Chapter 4 Summary

• The adolescent brain rewires extremely fast in response to life experiences; we should not be letting strangers and algorithms choose those experiences.

• When we are over-cautious about children’s safety we block them from learning how to overcome anxiety, manage risk and self-govern, all of which are necessary to become a healthy, competent adult.

• Smartphones also block children’s development as they leave little room for the kind of experiences the adolescent brain most needs to develop properly.

• Traditionally, societies have had rites of passage that help adolescents transition to adulthood. These typically involve a separation, transformation and reincorporation phase.

• Most Western societies no longer have rites of passage, and since the 1990s the digital world has eroded most milestones, too, as online there is no age grading or restrictions so the child is exposed to everything all at once.

• Even though society may be large, diverse and secular, adults can still agree a set of milestones of freedoms and responsibilities to help children grow up healthily. 

Puberty, plasticity and vulnerability

The human brain reaches around 90% of adult size by age 5. At that point, it has more neurons and synapses than it will have in adulthood. Brain development after this point is predominantly about the selective pruning of neurons and synapses; those that have been frequently used are retained, the others removed. Whatever activities the pubescent child is exposed to will cause lasting structural changes in the brain - especially if they are rewarding.

Another important process is myelination, in which the axons of neurons become coated with an insulating fatty sheath. This makes transmission faster across the brain’s long-distance connections. The young brain has enormous potential because it can develop in many different directions, but it has a lower ability than an adult brain to perform tasks efficiently. As pruning and myelination proceed, the brain becomes increasingly efficient and gradually ‘locks down’ into its adult configuration. This occurs at different times in different parts of the brain, with each period potentially marking the end of a ‘sensitive’ period. Think of it like cement gradually hardening.

Pruning and myelination accelerate at the beginning of puberty, making the experiences children have during these years particularly important. Adolescence is a period when the brain is more vulnerable to sustained stress, which can contribute to mental disorders such as generalised anxiety disorder, depression, eating disorders and substance abuse.

At the same time, however, increased brain plasticity makes adolescence a significant opportunity too; the same malleability that can make adolescents more vulnerable to harmful experiences also means that interventions aimed at improving mental health may be particularly effective.

Puberty is therefore a period when we should pay especially close attention to what children are experiencing. Nutrition, sleep and exercise matter throughout childhood and adolescence, but the first few years of puberty deserve particular attention because they coincide with both a sensitive period for cultural learning and the accelerated rewiring of the brain.

Experience blockers: safetyism and smartphones

Humans are socially and culturally extremely adaptable but children need a wide variety of social experiences if they are to develop into flexible and socially skilled adults. Because children are ‘antifragile’, some of those experiences need to include manageable amounts of fear, conflict and exclusion. Not excessive amounts, but enough to help them grow from the experience.

Safetyism, however, can act as an ‘experience blocker’. It prevents children from getting the quantity and variety of real-world experiences and challenges they need. A little stress is beneficial to development, but too much, whether acute or chronic, can be harmful.

Beginning in the 1980s, and more rapidly in the 1990s, parents and schools in America, Britain and Canada increasingly tried to remove stressors and perceived ‘rough spots’ from children's lives. Activities seen as carrying risk were increasingly banned or restricted to ‘protect’ kids not only from the possibility of physical but also emotional injury. Yet, the major deterioration in mental health did not begin until the early 2010s and it was not the Millennials that were affected, but Generation Z. It was only when safetyism was joined by the smartphone, a second experience blocker, that things went badly wrong.

Smartphones make it extremely easy for adolescents to remain in contact with dozens of people throughout the day and to participate in the praising or shaming of others. More broadly, smartphones and other digital devices provide children and adolescents with an enormous quantity of stimulating and interesting experiences. All of which reduce the child’s interest in non-screen-based experiences.

Yet, Haidt argues, there is no substitute for real-life ‘flesh and blood’ experiences for children.

Communicating by text and emojis is not going to develop the parts of the brain that need to become tuned through conversations involving facial expressions, changing vocal tones, direct eye contact and body language. If children and adolescents conduct most of their social interactions in a virtual world, we cannot expect them to develop adult-level real-world social skills in the same way.

If children are to have a healthy pathway through puberty, Haidt argues that we must first remove the experience blockers so they can accumulate the broad range of experiences they need, including the real-world stresses their antifragile minds need in order to wire up properly. Children should then be given a clear pathway towards adulthood, with challenges, milestones and a gradually increasing set of freedoms and responsibilities.

Rites of passage

Rites of passage around the world generally take children through three phases; the ‘separation’ phase, when young adolescents are separated from their parents and childhood habits, the ‘transition’ phase, when adults other than the parents guide the adolescent through challenges and sometimes ordeals, and finally the ‘reincorporation’ phase, usually marked by a joyful celebration in which the community, including the parents, welcomes the adolescent as a new member of adult society.

In many societies, boys are initiated as a group, with those of a similar age becoming tightly bonded through their shared ordeal. In societies where armed conflict with neighbouring groups was common, a warrior ethos often developed among men, and the transition could involve physical pain, including body piercings or circumcision, to test and publicly validate manhood.

The Jewish bar mitzvah provides another example. At the age of 13, boys become subject to the laws of the Torah. Traditionally one of their main responsibilities as Jewish men was the study of the Torah. The rite, therefore, involves a period of instruction from a rabbi or scholar, followed by the significant ceremony in which the boy takes a public role in Shabbat services and reads the weekly Torah and Haftarah portions in Hebrew.

Haidt suggests that the fact that most societies used to have rites of passage may indicate that our secular societies have lost something important. A human child doesn't morph into a culturally functional adult through biological maturation alone. They need role models who provide cultural learning, challenges that stimulate antifragility, public recognition of changing social status, and mentors other than their parents who can help them mature into competent and flourishing adults.

Evidence for the idea that children need rites of passage comes from the many cases where adolescents and teens spontaneously construct their own initiation rights, such as those developed by young men entering colleges, fraternities, secret societies or street gangs. Without guidance from elders, however, these rituals can become cruel or dangerous. They can also create cultures that are harmful to women when young men attempt to demonstrate their manhood to their peers by exploiting or humiliating women.

Girls also construct rites of passage, though these tend to involve less physical pain and more psychological pain associated with beauty and sexuality, where girls are rated, compared and perhaps shamed for their physical features. Yet many young people are willing to participate despite the pain and humiliation, because these rites provide entry into a binding social group and help them move from childhood dependence on parents towards peer-oriented young adulthood. Such is the deep adolescent need for belonging.

Why do we block the transition to adulthood?

It is not only the traditional rites of passage for children that have been progressively eroded, but also the once nationally recognised age transitions, which granted greater freedom and required greater maturity.

In America, for example, age 13 was once associated with being mature enough to go to the cinema without a parent. Many films were rated PG-13. Other age-related milestones included being allowed to drive, smoke, buy alochol, have sex and vote. When a child left school at 18, they would be expected either to get a job or go to college. Each of these stages represented a significant break with childhood and a step towards adulthood.

As overprotection and safetyism intensified during the 1990s, however, young people increasingly disengaged from activities traditionally associated with development and independence. Indeed, research shows that among American high-school seniors (18 year olds), the proportions who had a driver's licence, drunk alcohol, worked for pay or had sexual intercourse all declined during the 1990s and early 2000s.

At the same time, the internet created virtually unlimited access to information and experiences. When young people moved from basic phones to smartphones in the early 2010s, they could access this digital world 24/7. Unlike the real world, the online world has no equivalent of movie ratings such as PG-13. Social media platforms such as Instagram, Snapchat and TikTok do not enforce their minimum age of 13, and once children are online, there is no clear threshold at which they are granted increasing autonomy or rights. Everyone is effectively treated as the same age, which is no particular age.

This is a major reason why a phone based adolescence is very badly mismatched with the needs of adolescents.

So, the downhill slide towards poor mental health began with interference in children's growth during the 80s and 90s, when risky play was restricted and adult supervision and monitoring increased. It then continued when children were given unfettered access to the internet, which removed many of the age thresholds that had traditionally marked their path towards adulthood. Then a few years later, younger children and siblings received smartphones, sometimes even before puberty. Once that happened, there was significantly less space in the flow of information entering children's eyes and ears for guidance from mentors and real-world communities. Instead, an almost infinite stream of digital experiences, customised to maximise clicks and advertising revenue, could be consumed alone in a child's room. COVID worsened things yet further, when social distancing and online activity became widespread.

But, Haidt concludes, it does not have to remain this way.

Building a ladder from childhood to adulthood

Given that children do not turn into fully functioning adults on their own, Haidt offers up some practical steps that can help them get there. He argues that while we may perceive racial, religious and political differences between us, we are generally united in wanting our children to become socially competent and mentally healthy adults, able to manage their own affairs, earn a living and form stable romantic bonds.

Following is a map Haidt proposes adults can follow to help restore youngsters’ wellbeing. Between age 6 and 18, every even-year birthday could be linked to new freedoms, new responsibilities and increases in allowance. This would help children feel they are climbing a ladder with clearly labelled rungs, rather than just having an annual party with games, cake and presents.

Age 6 - The age of family responsibility

Children are formally recognised as important contributors to the household, not just as dependents. They could, for example, be given a small list of chores and a small weekly allowance contingent upon their performance of those chores.

Age 8 - The age of local freedom

Children gain the freedom to play and hang out in groups without adult supervision. They must demonstrate they can take care of one another and reliably run local errands. They should not be given a smartphone but could be given a basic phone or a watch designed for children that would allow them to call or text a small number of people e.g. parents or siblings.

Age 10 - The age of roaming

Preteens gain the freedom to roam more widely. Perhaps equivalent to what their parents were allowed to do at age 8 or 9. They should show good judgement and do more to help their families. Consistent with their increased mobility and responsibility, a flip phone or other basic phone with a few apps (but no internet) could be given as a birthday present. They should be allowed to hang out with their friends in person rather than have their time filled with adult-led ‘enrichment’ activities.

Age 12 - the age of apprenticeship

At 12, adolescents should begin finding more adult mentors and role models beyond their parents. They should be encouraged to start earning their own money by doing paid chores for neighbours, relatives etc. They could be encouraged to spend more time with trusted relatives without their parents present.

Age 14 - The beginning of high school

This is a major transition during which independence increases along with academic, time and social pressures. Activities like working for pay and joining a sports team are good ways to discover hard work can lead to tangible and pleasurable rewards. It would be a reasonable target to allow the child their first smartphone.

Age 16 - The beginning of Internet adulthood

This should be a big year of independence, conditional upon demonstrating a history of responsibility and growth since 14. A child can sign legal contracts without parental consent, open social media accounts and consent to give away their data to corporations.

Age 18 - The beginning of legal adulthood

This birthday would retain all of its legal significance, including marking the right to vote, eligibility for military service, the ability to sign contracts and make important life decisions. It should be treated as both a separation from childhood and the beginning of a transition period into the next phase of life.

Age 21 - Full legal adulthood

The young person can buy alcohol and cigarettes, enter casinos, sign up for internet sports gambling. They are now a ‘full adult’ in the eyes of the law.

Worth a go?