Perfectionism 

Perfect is good, isn’t it? After all, we are brought up with the phrase, “Practise makes perfect!” ringing in our little ears. And that ring has an indisputably positive connotation. Grandma’s raspberry pies were always cooked to perfection, I remember. Cinderella’s shoe fitted perfectly. The Beautiful South even sang a song called “Perfect ten”.  We think of perfection as having no room for improvement; the thing meets our expectations. We associate it with the setting of high performance standards. That has to be a good thing, doesn’t it?

Well the answer seems to lie in how we interpret it; there are both positive and negative aspects to perfectionism. It can motivate us to reach our goals and feel good about our achievement. But in its maladaptive form (when we use it in an unhelpful way), it can also cause a person to strive for flawlessness and hold unrealistic ideals and goals. The problem occurs when the perfectionist fails to attain their desired goal.

Perfectionists tend to be excessively harsh critics of themselves when they fail to meet their own standards, and can worry obsessively about what other people may think of their so-called ‘failure’ to meet the mark. This is particularly poignant as a perfectionist will typically measure their self-worth by what they accomplish.

It should come as no surprise, therefore, that this way of looking at perfectionism can lead to depression and low self-esteem.

Pressuring yourself to achieve unrealistic goals is setting yourself up for failure and it will always lead to disappointment because you can never win. Striving for this kind of unforgiving perfectionism can never lead to good mental health but you can learn to set appropriate goals without compromising your desire for high standards. Indeed, you can learn to use perfectionism as a force for good, and let go of the distorted thinking.

The challenge is recognising when perfectionism ceases to be a force for good and instead starts to become the path to destruction. Hypnotherapy can help you change your perspective.